perfection isnt everything

2011-01-11T07:24:00.000-08:00

I honestly have to share this,
It's the best Ive seen..

If you dress nicely, he says you're a snob. If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut. If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he says you're stupid. If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he says you should be grateful. If you don't love him, he'll try to win you. If you love him, he'll leave you. If you don't fuck him, he'll say you don't love him. If you do, he'll say you're easy. If you tell him your problems, he'll say you're irritating. If you don't , he'll say you don't trust him. If you lecture him, he'll say you're bitchy. If he lectures you, it's because he "cares". If you break a promise, you can't be trusted. If he breaks it, he had to.

2011-01-10T07:03:00.000-08:00

At the end of the day,
I've to suck it all up.
Whether I like it or not,
I have to.
Because I have now become a slave to love.
From now on that is...

Period!

2011-01-10T06:40:00.001-08:00


Im jealous of every girl who has ever
hugged you, because for that one moment
they held my entire world
tears are like kisses,
the only real ones are the ones you
cant hold back never make someone your
everything, because when they are gone
you have nothing. You will never know
true pain until you look into the eyes
of someone you love, and they look away
The scars are nothing compared to the
pain that put them there goodbye is only
painful when you know you can never
say hello again How can you learn from
your mistakes when mistakes are all
you've ever made What's the point in
living when the ones you love the
most refuse to love you break my heart
and tell me lies, because eventually
every heart die.

2011-01-04T06:53:00.000-08:00

I had enough of this.
I'm trying to suppress my emotions but I'm only human.
Human enough to have emotions.
I've seen enough of all this.
I hate the way you are now.
I hate everything about it.
You are a completely different person,
and you are the cause for my change.
At the rate it goes,
we'll probably call it quits.
The hurt will still be there.
There's not a way to avoid it.
What's not meant to be, will just not be.
Isn't it?

2010-12-27T02:53:00.000-08:00

I had dreams of so many things.
A great life ahead us, a happy family, kids and a career.
Everything seemed so real.
But today, it shattered into pieces right in front of me.
Walking through the streets, our whole time together bothered me.
The tears that rolled down my cheek made me realize that nothing lasts forever.
Happy Endings only survived in Hollywood.
Being alone was difficult.
Knowing that I'm going to be alone for a pretty long time was even more difficult.
Looking at my shattered family,
I longed for my own family to be different,
But I guess, all that has no place for talking now.

As painful as it already is, I never would fall into the same pit once again.
And I promise to try my best not to.
Because, being vulnerable is really the most torturous thing anyone could possibly do.
From here, I just want to say that,
I made a mistake.
I screwed it up.
Not you.
I needed something that you couldn't give me and that is not your fault.
All I ever wanted was to be happy and feel wanted and loved.
That's all.
But dreams don't last that long do they?

I will miss you.
A lot.
And you will always be on my mind.
It will always hurt.
But,
I'll try.
I'll try to live life's race.

So, thank you for the wonderful things you've done for me.
Thank you, for being there.
You were the only one I had.

2010-12-12T00:47:00.001-08:00

I could see that I was loosing you.
But, I thought I may have been wrong.
I waited.
WAITED.
waited.

And, I realized, I already lost you.
You weren't there.
You were not in my world anymore.
You were different.
You were in a different world.

I thought I could fix the broken pieces,
I tried.
And, I couldn't.

I cried each night hurt with all that happened.
Hurt that I lost you.
Hurt that I lost myself.
But now I know,
Things will never be the same again.

So,
I wish you a happiness and bliss.
I wish you love.
I wish you good.
Bon Voyage.

The lost you will always be missed.

2010-12-12T00:38:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to think straight so Ive decided to rant here and get it all out...
and then go back to doing my assignment.
How productive?
I know.

Anyways,
Im really bothered about everything that's around now.
Each time I see weddings, photos, relationships, etc.
It gets to my fucking head.

I am not a chart topper when it comes to love,
but I really have no idea why I give all myself to the special someone,
and at the end of the day,
when things are over,
I sit there weeping.
Weeping because, I not only lost that someone,
but I lost myself in that process.

And, it's just so difficult to get yourself back after all that's happened.
It makes it worst that I lead such a sedentary life where work and school are the only things on my agenda.
I have got not a soul around.

I really thought this time, it would have worked out.
I even had dreams of weddings, flowers and children.
But,
this end was unexpected.
Really.

Period.

2010-12-06T03:16:00.000-08:00

Listen Mother-Fuckers!

Taking a break from a relationship is not an alternative for sorting out your issues.
Because if you break when you are having problems, they'll bother you when you meet again. When you love someone to such an extent that nothing else matters, you definitely expect the person to love you in the same way.
This is exactly where all your problems take root.
Couples start taking each other for granted and gradually fall out of love considering their ego bigger than their love for each other.
At this point of time you need to talk to each other, and sort out your problems, before you decide to break and give some time to your relationship.

"If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it wasn’t meant to be"

PS: The issue is with the relationship not the break

PERIOD!

2010-11-27T22:13:00.001-08:00

Listen Bitches!
I'm going to waste my life however I want.
And
I know Nobody's gonna stop me!

2010-11-27T05:34:00.000-08:00

It's crazy how you could love someone so much and give every part of yourself to them.

In return, you end up in disappointment.

With no one else but yourself.

You see the path of love as it being cluttered with anger, hatred, sadness and all the nasty things.

Suddenly, the person whom you once loved is no longer the same.

The lovey-dovey season is over.

I seriously understand the pragmatics of life, how it works, how relationships work and all that

But,

I thought it was still possible to craft your love life in such a way that both parties had that mutual understanding and the will power to make things work.

Did I get it all wrong?

2010-11-27T05:26:00.000-08:00

Every single year end, I feel awful.

Somehow the thought of Christmas and my birthday and New Years

just make me feel upset naturally.

Don't get me wrong,

I love the festive season,

but..

my whole mind goes into this weird upset, solitute mood.

This year,

Being my 21st,

I am not planning to celebrate it any other way than getting drunk and falling asleep on my couch in my old clothes.

ALONE.

Just my luck that my birthday falls on Christmas isnt it?

(i have a day less to get drunk)

So,

Here I am... starting my christmas shopping a whole lot earlier.

Buying gifs for others was not so mind boggling after all-except for the boys.

Speaking of which,

I have not bought them a single thing yet.

Hopefully I get down to it soon.

Because I hate having to rush buying gifts in the massive crowds on thhe eve of christmas.

For the rest of you there,

HAPPY X'MAS SHOPPING.

2010-10-25T00:22:00.000-07:00

Our Lunch-Date to Pasta-O-Mania!

2010-10-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the boyfriend,

I have got a day of work today in the pretext of having to rush an assignment.

Thank the good lord, I have finished it in the wee hours of the day before.

fast track.

Deepavali is coming!

And even though I do not celebrate the festival,

I still have to do my part of visiting and eating.

(The Boyfriend's Family Celebrates)

Anyhow,

I have not got my outfit done for the much awaited occasion.

And, this I plan to do this weekend with the loving boyfriend of mine who have agreed to be of company.

On a heavier note,

speaking of the day off,

I am desperately in need of wanting to get some Starbucks and Muffins.

And,

catch a movie perhaps,

But!

Rachel, has just diminished my plans by having to meet her friends for the afternoon.

With only two hours to spare with her,

Hopefully, I can get my dose of caffeine and get myself a little something or two.

PS: Screw you Rach!

2010-10-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

If someone were to ask me...

"How do you live life everyday?"

One word simply comes to mind,

TRAIN.

The attributes of a train could so distinctively describe my typical day.

Fast, Pressure, Destination Reached.

(Of course, I do have my occasional few second breaks to run to the loo.)

The saying goes, "Embrace each day as if it was your last!"

Yes.

I do embrace life as it comes, though it is not all rainbows and butterflies for me.

I reckon I had my fair share of the rotten pie.

But.

Each night before I shut my eyes to float in the land of slumber,

I always made a mental note of the little things I wanted to do in general.

Till today sadly,

I have not got around doing any of it.

The most random as it sounds,

I always wanted my own boutique.

I wanted to design my own little clothes and be content in having that simple life.

I always wanted to have a little apartment with wooden flooring and a make a little art studio out of a room.

I want to cook my own dinners and bake my own cakes and draw and paint.

It all seems like a dream to me.

If there were such things as fairies or a god that answers prayers,

I really wish or pray that live this dream.

2010-09-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

It certainly has been a long time since I last did a blog post.

Anyhow,

I am off to enjoy an early weekend as of tomorrow!

FML!

I FUCKING COMPLETED MY PP2 ALREADY!

THE FOLDER IS COMPLETE!

WEEEET!

iwantmarbleslab.

maybe,i should treat myself.

No!

wait. your too fat nat.

no more ice cream!

2010-08-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

Dreams are like stars,

you may never touch them,

but if you follow them

....

they might lead you to destiny!

2010-08-16T02:03:00.000-07:00

All you need to do sometimes is

...

Let your hair down!

2010-08-15T01:25:00.001-07:00

As often as I remember myself to be, I always thought I was a little egoistic.

But then again, it was only to people who pushed my limits.

You, however.

Were way past me on the EGO-METER.

And that you can never deny.

Cos if you ever do,

Poor you!

You are in the world of self-denial friend.

What's the fuss about being truthful to your own friends about your love life anyway?

Were we there to judge you?

I don't remember so actually.

If you think you are a step above the rest of us,

I feel really sad for you because of three simple reasons:

1. You are egocentric!

2. You are inferior!

3. You are unable to accept the truth!

Just so you know, it really doesn't bother us the number of squabbles or issues you have in life.

But because we ARE friends, at least I thought so,

which is why...

WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOU!

But you on the other hand perceive us being intellectually incapable of understanding you.

Let's make it a lot simpler for you to understand,

In layman's terms you think we are way too stupid to understand you.

Friend, your greatest strength may be your greatest weakness,

and it takes mature people to understand that completely.

Obviously you are not.

After all, your as sensitive as a flower.

And let me just tell you,

One fine day, when the wind blows hard at you,

you will be left with no more petals.

2010-08-05T05:13:00.001-07:00

I learnt that the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to work hard at it.

Whether you are a musician, an artist, an athlete or a

business man, there is no getting around with it.

If you do, you'll win,

if you don't- you won't!

xxx

2010-07-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation.

Don't bring up the past!

2010-07-28T01:22:00.001-07:00

Unfortunately I only captured these few photographs from my practical examination.

The rest was all too blur.

Anyways, I've gotta prepare for my next.

Happy Mid-Week you!

2010-07-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember,

you have always provided stability in our family

full of laughter

full of tears

full of love

So much of what I have become

is because of you

and I want you to know

that I appreciate you, love you and thank you.

I may not be the best daughter that made you proud throughout my life.

I may not have given you the grades that you wanted.

I may not have been the best I could have been.

But please know that,

I am trying my best now

and

I'll always love you.

Happy Birthday Mummy.

2010-07-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

It's easy to hate and its difficult to love.

This is how the whole scheme of things work.

All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.

You would never know what I have gone through or am going through.

You may see me as the one that constantly disappears.

But have you ever given it a thought as to why these disappearing acts occur?

Perhaps not.

Have you ever seen beyond the surface me?

I bet you didn't.

I may seem like a whole lot of things to you.

And actually, deep down inside I care what you think and constantly question the fact that I am very much hated.

But,

let me just tell you just one thing.

I remember that no one is perfect.

I never expected you to be.

I never did insist on proving myself right or otherwise.

So just remember,

I am not perfect either.

PS:

You are certainly not obliged to take me back.

You always have a choice.

2010-07-20T06:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, My Another Chiong Tuesday!

Here are the end products.

I really need to keep this for when I grow old.

2010-07-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

It is cold today
Indeed the rain is falling and I am alone.
Thoughts of life and love,
meaningless to anyone but myself.
I am alone.
They watch me, their eyes not knowing,
knowing nothing of what they see.
I am but another creature, alone.
They scurry on the surface, unaware,
unaware of the life below
when you are alone.

Loneliness, not a burden nor a sorrow,
but a time of solace, of deepness
never to be shared, never to be understood.
They can never reach the place where I am
And I know I will never reach the place where they are.
I know I don't want to reach that place.
True happiness is here, unmisted.
Unmisted by smiles or laughter,
unmisted by the joys of company.

To find true happiness,
to know if one is truly happy,
he must be happy alone

2010-07-19T03:07:00.000-07:00

EAT.PRAY.LIVE.

How therapeutic to skip a day's class and sit at home.

Not that I was lazing around of course.

I was actually making the props for my presentation on SATURDAY!

I have only done 1/3 of it

(not that i am idle)

because of the fact that WHITE GLUE takes such a long time to dry.

Here is the product of my NOT-YET-FINISHED house.

What do you think?

2010-07-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

August is going to be busy yet exciting month!

Arwin's Birthday,

Workplace Vacation,

Practical Examinations,

Holiday!

For now, these are the only few things that are driving me to complete each day fruitfully!

Pathetic I know.

But you either work your life out or you take the sky dive from that building.

I chose Option-One

I hope you do too.

Good-Monday-ing!

2010-07-15T04:30:00.001-07:00

Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us
Hurricanes can't take away our love.

2010-07-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

"Misfortune shows those who are not really friends."

- Aristotle

2010-07-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

Breathe.

That will do the trick!

PS: I miss you.

2010-07-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

We would win, but we would lose.

Some wouldn't survive.

2010-07-08T07:42:00.001-07:00

TGIF! tomorrow.

Life has been on the fast lane the past few weeks!

The chaotic currents of life has just been on the top notch all week.

To rub salt on the many wounds,

I had my Practicum-Briefing today!

I am sitting at home with a thick green file on my lap that is filled with papers full of TO-DO lists as of now.

Somehow, looking at these documents makes me really think why I am actually doing this.

In contrast to that,

I am so in need of a break.

A holiday sounds perfect!

Almost.

Passports,

Money,

Luggage,

Checked!

Oh wait I forgot something,

I HAVE NO TIME.

Bummer!

Cheers to the Weekend,

because

...

Even if I am not going to have the PERFECT weekend,

I am going to down a bottle of Vodka to sustain me.

So,

as for you, YOU and YOU

....

Have a Blast-Full Weekend because you will never know when your soul will walk out of you!

Goodnight!

2010-07-07T01:19:00.000-07:00

Ohmygod lah!

For the love of Christ,

Why are you people not moving on,

Don't you fuckin' get it,

The more you post pictures and short excerpts,

The worst it becomes.

One simple word is

...

GONE!

2010-07-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

Look.

I really do not know what you are driving at.

And, I do not need an explanation or any of that sort to confuse my life further.

Because,

I have been confused enough the past twenty-what years of my life.

I may be important to you, I may not be.

It's great to have you all in my life, at the same time I've lived half of it without you.

So, save the distress.

Some one told me this morning,

Life is like riding a bicycle.

You do not fall off unless you stop peddling.

For all that we have been through the past week.

This is seriously what we have to remember.

Life still friggin' goes on!

Hema,

I love you.

And I do not want to see stuck in this emotional mess.

And, I will help you get through this however much it may cost.

And the rest of you all,

Always remember that whatever happens,

near or far,

we always have each other when trouble comes knocking on the door.

Goodnight Universe.

May tomorrow bring another surprise!

2010-07-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

JULY 3RD

The most awful day.

It was the most regular morning for me,

sitting down in the classroom for the usual lecture.

Few calls came in,

Few texts too.

I switched my phone to the silent mode thinking that it was all unimportant and I could attend to it later.

Just right after that thought,

A call from a long-lost friend was flashing on the screen of my phone.

Even until then, I never made out that it anything was the matter.

Casually I picked up my phone was replied him saying that I was unable to receive his call and if he could text me instead.

Only because, I was busy taking down notes at that point of time.

A few minutes later,

I called him back as it was lunch.

"Hello, I heard _____ committed suicide, do you know about it?"

Stunned.

Absolutely stunned, my jaw dropped and my body was trembling in fear.

My hands shivered, my stomach was tied into a million knots and I stood there rooted to the ground.

"What?" I said trying to force those words out of my mouth.

"I gotta go, I will call you back later" I mumbled as I hung up the call.

I clicked on the many texts I received which all had a common phrase.

CALL ME BACK URGENT!

I then learnt that ______ did not survive the suicide.

After classes,

Arwin and I rushed down to meet Suren and Hema and the rest of the group.

Everyone sat in silence at first.

All of us trying to digest the details of the happening.

I cannot continue this.

I need to get my head sorted out first.

Everything is going to be okay guys. We all just need to be strong and be together.

That's the only thing that will keep us going.

CONDOLENCES!

This is one day that we will all never forget.

2010-07-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

When asked these two questions,

"What makes you happy?"

"What makes you angry?"

I found myself dumbfounded just like yesterday.

And, it got me thinking it throughout the night and day.

Is there a marginal difference between;

"What makes you happy?" and "What would make you happy?"

Though I'm still trying to figure it out,

I thought of some possibilities and here they are:

HAPPY:

-Pay Day

-Having a bunch of friends that are consistent

-Painting

-Achievements

Angry:

-Imperfection

I do not really have much to offer as for the possibilities.

But, I certainly think that UPSET would be a better word to describe me.

Have I gotten angry before?

If I had, I cannot remember so.

But I recall the countless times I got upset with something.

Well,

I will try to sketch some other possibilities in my head.

But,

Take the challenge and answer the two simple yet difficult questions.

Good Luck.

PS: I never thought I did matter.

2010-06-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Somehow this week is making me feel better.

No Facebook. No E-mails. No Contact.

Life has just changed to a whole new dimension.

And!

It is just a lot easier to handle now.

Tip Number 1,

Eliminate the things that bothers you the most,

and...

You will certainly find true bliss!

Dear BFF,

I love you very much,

and just as much as it saddens me that you are having a rough patch,

I know we can overcome this together!

Boyfriend,

I love you just as much.

And,

Thank you for being by my side every step of the way.

I owe it to you.

Rest of the World,

It is Mid-Week tomorrow!

Gee!

How time flies eh?

Anyhow,

Have a great week ahead.

Above the dark clouds and bad spells,

Happy 21st Birthday Best Friend.

You are very much loved.

XXX!

Nat

2010-06-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

2010 is passing faster than a blink of an eye.

However much this year has been nothing but a dreadful one for me,

I am glad that I have at least learnt a bit more in life.

One valuable lesson I have learnt is,

When the lights go out,

there is no one left but you.

I have reached a point in life where nothing else really matters.

Where the number of friends you have, the best clothes you wear, the amount of cash left on your bank statement or the parties you go to,

does not matter at all.

The only thing that matters is you and what you have become.

2010-06-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

This week has been a crazy week for me.

Absolute Crazy.

Assignments.Exams.Life.Unsettled Problems.

I am glad I have pulled through it all this far;

remembering the fact that I have only one person to thank.

Also, somehow

...

loosing connection with the cyber world did have an impact on me in a good way.

I have stopped hurting myself deliberately by torturing myself with illusions.

And.

I am extremely drained out!

But a few glasses of vodka doesn't do the trick anymore.

Any way,

I'll figure something else out the next time the sun is out.

Ciao!

2010-06-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Already!

Doesn't time tick away faster than you think.

Just as much as I love this week,

I hope it would last longer!

Anyways;

Sunday will be the arrival of the BF parent's from India.

Not forgetting,

It is Father's Day!

Speaking of which,

I have not finished the Father's Day Craft with my kids.

On a more solemn note,

My FACEBOOK account is currently inactive.

Only because I want to save myself from getting tortured by my mind.

It's good.

I feel better without it actually.

No more thinking too much.

No more misery.

No more pain.

No more regret.

Also, I've got a group assignment to finish by this week.

Hopefully it is all done by tomorrow and I can enjoy my lovely weekend.

Malaysia.Viki.BF.Father's Day.(I wanna go bowling)

I am gonna soak myself in the bath now.

Have a great Wednesday!

Shyte!

It's already Mid-Week.

2010-06-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

Life knocks us down,

It's you who choose to either stay down,

Or.

Get back up.

2010-06-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

At times,

the most subtle things we do might hurt another.

Yet,

we are not inclined to realize that until we had the taste of our own medicine.

However,

when things falls apart,

relationship ties are broken,

heart shattered,

mind over-ruled by the heart,

body fails,

Let's cut the chase;

When you have absolutely nothing and no-one left standing there to catch you,

Only then,

you will realize,

It wasn't fucking worth crying buckets, drowning in alcohol, dropping grades, or anything else you did to overcome the loss.

Instead,

you will just love yourself more,

care less about people who failed to give a damn or offered a helping hand,

And!

Move On!

(itsreallysofuckinghard)

Cheers to the Broken Hearted!

I'm off for some Vodka-Time for Now!

Peace.

2010-06-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

She was lost in so many different ways

Out in the darkness with no guide

I know the cost of a losing hand

Never thought the grace of god go high

I found heaven on earth

You were my last my first

And then i hear this voice inside

Ave maria

I've been alone when i'm surrounded by friends

How could the silence be so loud?

But i still go home knowing that i've got you

There's only us when the lights go down

You are my heaven on earth

You are my hunger my thirst

I always hear this voice inside

Singing ave maria

Sometimes love can come and pass you by

While your busy making plans

Suddenly hit you and then you realize

It's out of your hands baby you got to understand

You are my heaven on earth

You are my last my first

And then i hear this voice inside

Ave maria ave maria ave maria

2010-06-08T03:51:00.000-07:00

i never knew what was going to happen.

i was no physic.

but,

i always knew

...

you were the only one.

2010-05-31T10:26:00.000-07:00

Life is just one hellofa' bitch ride

The longer you ride, the more miserable,

The shorter you ride, the more unaccomplished.

So then,

What is the correct way to live/ride/whatever?

The answer is simple.

Take one day at a time,

(Drink as much alcohol as you can, Smoke up,)

Let yourself breathe the air of life that's filled with

A. Disappointment

B. Regret

C. Loneliness

D. Misery

Look around you,

Discover the things you have never really had the time to notice

For life itself is short,

So,

Live it up.

Or,

Let it go down.

2010-05-31T08:04:00.001-07:00

Assignments.Assignments.Assignments.

It is making me BRAIN-DEAD.

plus,

I am exhausted.

Really I am.

These two weeks are gonna be one hell of a Roller-Coaster ride,

Gee!

Check out my fun-packed week!

1. Group Assignment on Observations and Recommendation

2. Individual Assignment- Moral Behavior in Young Children

3. Individual Assignment- Case-study (Professional Development)

4. Exam on Socio-Emotional Development

I wanna pull the trigger right now!

I haven't studied for my tests and I am definitely not even half way through my assignments!

God!

Help Me!

Alcohol is gonna stay by my side these two weeks.

Boy, I need to get through with Sem 2!

I need to graduate!

I need my Diploma!

I need my Increment!

Speaking of which, I need to bounce my arse back to work.

Toodles!

Get over the Monday Blues!

2010-05-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

Alcohol is always comfort for the Oppressed.

By the way,

I am drinking my fill and trying to meet the dateline of my assignment that has just been extended from the 31st May to the 7th of June.

Hopefully, I can finish it by then and drink the rest of the weekends away.

One weekend Burnt.

So is the Next.

Happy Weekend-ing World!

Cheers to Bacardi!

2010-05-26T08:40:00.001-07:00

Rule #1 of the Game Plan,

Never, ever, let anyone break you.

At least,

TRY!

2010-05-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes the wrong people teach us the right lessons"

Somehow 2010 isn't doing any good to me,

It seems like the worst year I have ever had in my entire life.

And,

the part that I'd be twenty-one isn't much of an excitement to me at all.

I have ZERO excitement for this year actually.

Not forgetting,

I have nothing really to look forward to

...

Sometimes, you come to a point in life where you are stagnant,

where nothing really matters anymore,

where you feel you are fighting the battles all alone.

If there were such a milestone in the phase of adulthood,

I'd very much like to call it,

ESTEEM-DESTRUCT.

On a lighter note;

I am trying to start my own line of clothing as of now!

Hopefully, that will give me something to look forward to this year.

The rest of the world,

Hope 2010 is a blast for you,

if not

...

Drink your way through the year!

Cheers.

2010-05-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

These two days was a good break eh?

Now that reality has ZAPPED me!

My To-Do List for now:

1. CD2-Individual Assignment on Moral Development of a child

2. CD2-Group Assignment (I haven't even read the question, weet!)

3. Professional Development-Case Study (This is the most stupid-EST task of all)

4. Finish the Vodka Bottle

5. Getaway from HERE!

Apart from all this worldly obligations,

I am not gonna sound too E-M-O,

But.But.But.

I need to find something that I can do with my time,

something more productive,

something that will let me know the bitter side of the world,

something that will help me appreciate life better,

something that will keep my mind off my misery,

something that will complete me

...

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,

I have decided to volunteer to the Singapore Children's Cancer Foundation!

But,

I need to go through several interviews to be a volunteer,

Can you believe it?

Either ways,

It would be a good opportunity for me.

For the rest of you who are struggling to find some meaning to your life,

why not start by giving yourself to others?

It'd be rewarding.

I assure you!

Goodnight World.

2010-05-17T02:38:00.000-07:00

____________________________________________________________

Universal Studios is worth its moolah!

I did not regret a single bit.

Oh, except the fall of course!

Anyhow,

Cheers to fun times!

xxx

The after effect of a great fall leaves you with

EXCRUCIATING PAIN!

My knees are swollen,

I cannot walk.

****

So much for a fall.

2010-05-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

ihatethefeelingofbeingallaloneinthisemotionalturmoil.ihatethefeelingofbeinghere.

ijusthateyou.

2010-05-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

I took on the jobs to keep myself busy.

Busy enough to escape the emotional self of me,

It worked for a period of time

...

But this temporary measure is wearing off,

I need another solution.

I need religion.

I need something that can make me escape the night,

I need something that makes me sleep without having to worry.

I need that something!

And, I need it right now

........................................

PS: I have my assignment to finish!

2010-05-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

ihateyou.

ihateyou.ihateyou.ihateyou!

2010-05-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

Age is always accompanied by,

*Numerous responsibilities

*Numerous sacrifices

*Numerous decisions

*Numerous mishaps

This I learnt from a relatively young age unfortunately.

Before I reach the twenty-one year old mark in my life,

I've already learnt the many lessons of life.

1. Life is like a volcano,

it eventually erupts despite all of its good

2. Friends DO NOT complete you entirely

they only compliment you

3. Having a broken family does you no good,

you are never appreciated!

_______________________________________________________

Some of us think that holding on makes you strong;

but sometimes it is letting go...

Dear you,

I tried my best.

But it was never enough for you.

This would be the end of it.

Just remember,

I tried.

2010-05-06T05:09:00.001-07:00

You were not the best thing that happened to me in my whole lifetime.

You were definitely not my best-of-a-friend or confidant.

You were in your own world, a world where I didn't belong and never would have.

You were not there for me in time of sorrows.

You were not there for me in time of shame.

In fact, you were never really there at all.

Pardon me but

you were a parsimonious jerk.

But,

when you hold resentment towards another;

you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link.

Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.

Here it is,

Today.

The 6th Of May 2010

I officially forgive you.

Have a happy life ahead.

Gee!

I'm over this shyte!

God Bless Me.

2010-05-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

Thank you god for school

AND,

lovely friends.

(though most of them are a little crazy)

2010-05-05T07:01:00.000-07:00

I don't go to church,

I prefer mattress worship instead.

2010-05-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

This girl she's crying inside
But all everyone see is smiles
This girl she's hurting inside
She lived like this for quite a while
Always hiding her pain inside
She won't ruin everyone's smile
This girl she's breaking down inside
But all she does is smile...

Through those eyes deep inside
Holds a lot of misery
Playing pictures from her mind
Showing her past, her history

She doesn't want to remember
But the pictures continues to play...
Every night she prays
Wishing them away

But this girl lies with her laugh
And hides behind her smile
So no one can see her pain,
Her past, her denials

This girl she's dying inside
Although no one may see her pain
Just continues to smile bright
From day to everyday

This girl whom I love so deep
Cries behind her eyes
But all everyone ever see
Is blinded with a lie...
With her beautiful smile she gives
For everyone to see
Anyone and everyone
Anyone but me.

2010-05-03T08:59:00.001-07:00

Happy 21st Sweetheart!

You are finally legal.

To many more happy times together,

love you always,

me.

2010-04-29T09:07:00.000-07:00

What the hell am I here for again?

:::

2010-04-26T08:32:00.001-07:00

You suckers

have excluded me in every F*thing that happened in your lives.

and,

I may not seem as if I cared about it

BUT,

just for the f*record!

I ACTUALLY DO,

Nonetheless,

I still put on a smile on my face,

and listen to every f*happening that you tell me about.

Let's talk about rationality here

...

SHALL WE??

PS:

Just piss off will you?

We'd be better off that way

2010-04-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Thank you for being there with me.

2010-04-21T07:16:00.001-07:00

One of my personal philosophies,

"You choose, your life.. and how you wanna live it!"

You see, the problem lies when your heart over-rules the mind,

it's pretty much like playing CLUEDO for me,

Though it is a dice-rolling board game, its not just a game of chance, it involves your skill of intuition

...

Which is a necessity in life mind you!

And if you can't exercise that skill right,

Boy!

you ARE screwed.

Are you?

I am!

2010-04-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

Alone, I sat
Alone, I cried
Alone, I sleep
Alone, I walk
Alone, I eat
Alone, I sing
Alone, I write
Alone, I love
Alone, I die
Alone, I dream
Alone, I think
Alone, I fight
Alone, I am

2010-04-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

She was a young girl that was at her crossroad in life.

She had a family, yet she did not.

She had friends, yet she did not.

She had a companion, yet she did not.

She had nothing.

She was empty,

just like a library robbed of its books.

2010-04-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,

but to see who cares enough to break them down..."

2010-04-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

I get ANNOYED when...

1. I run out of cigarettes

2. There are no seats left on the bus

3. I am hungry

4. When children fist fight

5. I am being shouted at

6. I can't get something right

7. I can't cut a straight line

8. I really wanna watch a movie and the tickets are SOLD OUT

9. I am late for work

10. I don't get TEA in the mornings

11. It is that awful time of the month

12. There are no ice cubes

13. My saved files are LOST!

14. I have to stay up all night just to finish a piece of work

15. I do not visit Cotton On

16. I do not have enough sleep

17. I get pushed around

18. I look at the mirror and see the layers of fat all around me

19. I forget to bring a lighter with me

20. FACEBOOK distracts me!

What really annoys you?

2010-04-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

Kia Ora.

I really think somebody should start with RE-inventing brollys!

Even with a brolly,

I was drenched

TOP to TOE.

What a bother to have to walk home in wet clothes!

I know right...!

Stupid Brollys'

Note to Self:

Nat,

when you feel stressed,

add some nicotine to life!

that'd do the trick.

*********************************************************************

Note to the rest:

Have a good rainy week.

Forget about heels!

Think, Gumboots!

2010-04-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

Is this how you have been?

Well, Mine was EXACTLY the same

...

On the other hand,

Here is something funny read for you,

Top 10 Excuses for not coming into work today:

10: I've used up all my sick days... so I'm calling in dead.
9. I foiled a terrorist attack on the way to work today. I know Jack Bauer would be there, but I need to rest.
8. I thought that I'd be more productive if I didn't come in today.
7. I left my car keys at work last night.
6. I can't come in to work today. I went skydiving over the weekend and my chute didn't open.
5. I can't come to work today (Wednesday) because my father is going to die tomorrow.
4. I can't come to work today (Friday) because my father did not die on Thursday. He's waiting until Monday.
3. I will not be to work today as I have a headache and do not want to give it to anyone else.
2. I dropped my car keys in the snow and I'm waiting for the temperature to warm up so I can find them.
And now, the #1 excuse for not going to work:
1. My wife's going to get pregnant and I want to be there.

The next time you don't want to go in to work,
Try this!
(PS: Let me know how it went?)
Happy Tuesday Folks!

2010-04-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl,

I often dream about the fairy-tales that I read

the prince and the princesses,

the happily-ever-afters,

living in a beautiful house,

having lots of kids

...

Basically a life that was filled with happiness and no lack;

And Now???

2010-04-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

"no emotion is an emotion itself"

that was certainly one thing i have learnt from today;

and sometimes,

we self regulate our emotions too much to the extent that we forget how to express our emotions

...

a guy may buy you ninety nine roses and a box of chocolates

and yet all you do is

...

look at them and say,

thank you

(with a blank expression)

guilty as charged.

i am one of those weird ones.

happy thinking about all this emotion-talk

PS: Thank You Darling for Being The Driver For Me Today.

Love You Many,

Always

2010-03-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

That's one day less from our usual hectic week,

eggs.chocolate.bunnies.whatever.

They are actually of no relevance to Easter i should say.

And i think i speak for the rest of the catholics/Christians

...

BOTTOM LINE,

Just enjoy the happy weekend,

Christ has risen!

egg away.

2010-03-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

Hello Sunday.

xxx

Is it just me or are the days passing faster than a blink of an eye?

Well,

Fast or not.

My First Sem's exams are killing me

...

countless paper reports

records

pictures

documentation

COMPLETE HELL THIS WEEKEND!

plus:\

It's the Easter Holidays at school!

and

Hemalata's Birthday

which means,

I have at least two things to look forward.

Should I bake this week?

2010-03-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair.

However you must keep smiling and moving on

...

Au revoir

2010-03-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned how badly I need a holiday.

I am melting in HOT Singapore and its stress-FULL zone.

rewind

Hello World,

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

2010-03-15T05:50:00.000-07:00

Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be
Imma be livin' that good life, Imma be livin' that good, good
Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be
Imma be livin' that good life, Imma be livin' that good, good

2010-03-10T05:01:00.000-08:00

i just got my new phone today,

may not be the best but it definitely spells

NEW!

anyhow.

on a rather stressful note;

tomorrow is when all hell breaks loose!

I've gotta meet my practicum supervisor.

(which means..)

bye bye carefree weekends :(

and hello!

dreadful long nights and burnt Saturday Sundays.

for now;

I've gotta go learn how to use my phone.

XXO(:

2010-03-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

i don't care.

2010-03-08T05:14:00.000-08:00

monday.

blues.

wee.

i am gonna get a new phone.

BUT!

what phone am i gonna get?

data bundle?

peaches and creme for dessert.

(i had)

2010-03-03T04:14:00.000-08:00

RED NAILS.

that's what I am running in now

freaking red toe nails

while waiting for my green tea to cool down,

I have decided type a TO-DO list and so I thought, it was better to do it here,

So here it goes...

Agenda for the first week of March.

:Two Observation Reports (I need to finish it)

:Field Trip with the kids to Kids Kampong

:Check my CPF statement

:Tuition

:Check if my cheque (to see if it has gone through)

:Visit the Botanical Gardens (If I can)

:Choose a phone that I want to "upgrade" to

:Run

thank you god,

at least I don't have too much to do this week now do I?

Bedsides,

I am going fishing with the kids tomorrow which spells "Photographs"

But!

I do not promise the uploads.

Boo!

Either ways,

I think I will need to visit Home Club.

Next Weekend perhaps?

sounds like a plan to party all together.

alright.

My green tea is yelling.

Audi 5000

2010-03-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

help!

i am turning into a a ball of fats.

my weight it not increasing YET.

BUT!

i can see all the fat around the parts of my body.

I need to exercise.

i hate running.

i hate jogging.

i need a new sport.

i need to get out of bed and work it all out.

yak

i am not thin.

i am not skinny.

No more ice-cream.

No more crisps.

No more anything.

Starve to death you.

Somebody pinch me!

love,

big-sized me.

2010-03-01T02:50:00.000-08:00

you know you love me

I know you care

And I would never, not be there
You are my love
You are my heart
And we would never, ever, ever be apart

Are we an item?
Girl quit playin'
We're just friends,
What are you sayin'
Take another look right in my eyes
My first love, touch my heart for the first time

And now I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine

For you, I would have done whatever
And ya stick it with me when we're together
And I'm gonn' play it cool
While I'm losin you
I'll buy you anything
I'll buy you any ring
Cause I'm in pieces
Baby fix me
Come see if you wake me from this bad dream*
I'm goin down, down, down

Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine

You can give me all of your love
Once a time it wont be enough
Nobody told me this day would come
Now I'm all gone
You can give me all of your love
Once a time it wont be enough
Nobody told me this day would come

I wa- I was like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Now I'm all gone, gone, gone, gone
I'm gonee

The Memoirs of Last Week's Escapade

2010-02-22T05:29:00.000-08:00

2010-02-22T04:45:00.000-08:00

i am

really in the mood to

PARTY!

This year, is not gonna be like the last.

I'm

GONNA

WHAT

REGULAR

YEAR

OLDs

WOULD

Life is short.

(shorter for me,thank you cancer sticks)

I am already planning a SPLENDID weekend!

i wanna go

....

...

....

...

....

SWIMMING

and visit the Botanical Gardens

and

SUN TAN!

cos

...............................................

SCHOOL'S OUT BITCHES!

it's pure bliss till half of March!

love,

myself

PS: Have a FUN-tastic week EveryFuckingOne.

XXXXXX

2010-02-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

"...Young love is full of hope, full of promises but so ignorant to reality"

(Valentine's Day-2010)

Looking back at life, it was great being young and having all the possibilities of life laid out very nicely for you.

Thinking that the whole world was going to stand behind you through everything and that the person who you loved THEN meant the world to you.(In literal terms)

More so, thinking that everyone that was in your life planned good for you.

But!

Reality snaps in, and you grow up..

Only to realize (the hard way) that all these people who meant the world to you before, meant nothing now.

They were a complete waste of time.

But they each had a reason to be a part of your life.

well,

cheers to life and all of its surprises!

2010-02-17T09:16:00.000-08:00

note to myself:

"Just Breathe Nat"

Valentine's Day spelled out DISASTER for me.

I was under the weather AGAIN.

(but this time it was real bad, fever, flu, body aches etc)

As a matter of fact, I have not fully recovered yet.

Medication is making me D-R-O-W-S-Y

This weekend is what i would call a "Busy-Party-Week"

The list of Parties:

1. CNY Luncheon at Punggol

2. THREE-freaking Awesome Birthdays

WHAT SAY YOU FUZZY BITCHES!

PARRRRRTTTTTYYYYYYY!!

But before all of that,

I need to be well again and in a sound state of mind.

PS: I am going to watch "Valentine's Day" with the people i love most tomorrow.

I promise PHOTOS!

off to do my nails..

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/3930263/valentines_day_movie_trailer/

2010-02-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

At times, the person that you can be your craziest self with is probably the perfect person for you.

(get it?)

Happy Valentine's Hun!

2010-02-11T07:37:00.000-08:00

2010-02-11T07:09:00.001-08:00

The anticipated "long weekend" is here..

(though i still think that four friggin' day is definitely not enough)

At any rate, I never realized how busy February was going to be for me!

(exactly why I haven't blogged for a long period of time)

*First Sem Practicum

*Birthday's to Celebrate

-Bounce

-Wu Dan

-Kai Ting

(Three is A LOT!)

*New Workplace

*Valentine's Day

*Chinese New Year

*Prep Work for School

Phew! That's a whole long list there I suppose

Anyhow,

Happy Chinese New Year, V'Day and Birthday!

xoxo

2010-02-03T06:12:00.000-08:00

It may be that you feel something coming, or that career events are requiring command level decisions now, Capricorn, but you are on the move towards self-improvement, and may be about to make a quantum leap in self understanding. It may be good to find someone who can help you do personal inventories and work with other means of expanding your perspective, but if you've ever wanted to feel as if you are taking a step beyond your personal best, this is a day to get serious about personal growth and self-perfection.

Seems like astrology knows my daily happenings?

On a lighter note, I am anxious to go to the new Australian curriculum based school.

How fun is it really?

2010-01-31T05:26:00.000-08:00

I have successfully finished my assignment!

three cheers to me!

Anyhow, have I mentioned I badly need some rejuvenation?

I need a H.O.L.I.D.A.Y

and I am off to Google potential places now.

laterrrrr.

2010-01-30T07:15:00.000-08:00

when things seem as high as a kite,

prayer is the answer.

i am over the top.

i got through the interview!

i cannot wait to start.

So, Friday will mark the end of my time over at Bishan's _F_

which means, Monday I'll be signing my deal over at the new place.

Thank you god for answering my prayers.

I really wanted this.

2010-01-29T05:09:00.000-08:00

I have been DRAGGING myself to work this week which is usually not me!

whyWHYwhyWhy

So much has happened and yet I have not recovered from the shock of being transferred so suddenly.

Here's what happened today, I went for an interview at Serangoon North.

This "Organization" does franchising which means they have a couple more centers all around.

I am desperate.

I hope Lady A calls me and tells me that she needs me.

Please god.

Help me.

I really need this.

2010-01-20T04:25:00.003-08:00

The virus is hitting me straight.

I am under the weather.

I need rest.

I need enjoyment.

I need alcohol.

I need medication.

I need sleep.

I need a BREAK from it all.

This month has been a real killer, let alone Today.

QC is really not the right task to give me. It just makes me sleep through my task.

Presentation Slides- (I really need to get this done by today, dear god please help!)

Food Critique Essay-Not done at all (I wonder when I will find the sanity to complete this)

Observations-Completed.

Role of an Educator-Completed.

Field Practicum- (ohlord! i'm just gonna shoot myself in the head)

The above tasks is just a drop in the bucket.

More to go...

I have concluded...

2010-01-19T05:06:00.000-08:00

An enemy is anyone that tells the truth about you?

2010-01-19T04:32:00.000-08:00

hate the month of January.

it is making me throw up.

SOMEBODY CALL 911 !

Looking on the brighter side,

I JOGGED!

However, due to my poor stamina (thank you cancer sticks)

I ran three rounds and started gasping for breath.

Either ways, at the very least!

At least i tried!

(A little about work)

The new center has delayed operations due to a freaking door that should be able to accommodate the wheel chair bound. So, while waiting for the door to be replaced and the relevant authorities to do a detailed check and issue the license to us. We are basically attending trainings and doing up our own prep work. (which i totally hate)

NEXT SCHEDULED OPENING MFS-SG2 1ST FEB 2010

2010-01-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

In 2009, I...
( ) stayed single for the whole year.
( ) made out in/on a car.
( ) kissed in the snow.
( ) celebrated Halloween.
( ) kissed in the rain.
(X) had my heart broken
(X) broken someone else's heart.
( ) had a stalker.
(X) gone over the minutes on my cell phone.
(X) had a good relationship with someone.
( ) had someone question my sexual orientation.
( ) gotten pregnant.
( ) had an abortion.
(X) had a relationship with someone I'll never forget.
(X) done something I've regretted.
( ) lost faith in love.
( ) kissed under a mistletoe.
( ) painted a picture.
( ) wrote a poem.
( ) ran a mile.
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch.
(X) posted a blog.
(X) listened to music I couldn't stand.
( ) went to a sleepover.
(X) laughed till I cried.
( ) laughed till I peed in my pants.
(X) visited a foreign country.
( ) cut in a line of waiting people.
(X) told someone I were busy when I wasn't.
( ) partied to celebrate the New Year.
(X) cooked a disastrous meal.
( ) lost something/ someone important to me.
(X) broke a promise.
(X) lied.
(X) went behind my parent's back.
(X) cried over a broken heart.
(X) disappointed someone close.
( ) hid a secret.
(X) pretended to be happy.
( ) slept under the stars.
( ) kept my New Years resolution.
(X) forgot my New Years resolution.
(X) met someone who changed my life.
( ) met one of my idols.
(X) changed my outlook on life.
( ) sat home all day doing nothing.
(X) pretended to be sick.
(X) left the country.
( ) almost died.
(X) given up something important to me.
( ) lost something expensive.
(X) learned something new about myself.
(X) tried something I normally wouldn't try & liked it.
(X) made a change in my life.
(X) found out who my true friends were.
(X) met great people.
(X) stayed up till sunrise.
(X) cried over the silliest thing.
(X) was never home on weekends.
( ) got into a car accident.
(X) had friends who were drifting away from me.
( ) had someone close to you die.
(X) had a high cell phone bill.
(X) spent most of my money on food.
( ) had a fist fight.
( ) went to the beach with my best friend.
( ) saw a celebrity.
(X) gotten sick.
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time.
(X) became closer with a lot of people.

2010-01-18T00:18:00.001-08:00

Aloha.

It's only January yet I am running miles with work.

There's just too much to do.

Twenty-Four Hours a day is definitely not enough for me.

Panda-Eyes, please go away!

XX Natty

2010-01-17T05:09:00.000-08:00

Ouuhhh.

How I Miss You Christmas!