know the feeling when you finally believed in yourself
and made that effort to do your best.. but it leads to nothing but failure again?and you fell too many times and your sick and tired of picking yourself up countless times?
that's exactly how i feel.
like when you think your never good enough to do anything right,
or perhaps your just not worth it.
once again,
i disappointed not only myself but every single one who sort of believed in me.
yeah well!
I'm really sorry if i wasn't a smart child,
or a whiz kid
but I'm sure god didn't waste his time making rubbish?
(me)
distressed is what I'm feeling right now.
and this is for the UN-NAMED people!

hi,
I'm very sorry for letting you down.
i never wanted to.
i knew you saw so much hope in me but its all crashed now.
I'm tired of you telling me what to do
cos at a time like this you should be advising me or gimme a shoulder to lean on.
I'm sorry if i expected too much.
I'm still trying to catch this thing about standing on my two feet
till then please don't say a word cos i feel bad enough.
thankew.








happy morning.
okay my heart's racing pretty fast as i type this.
reason being..I'm gonna get my results today for the second time. and i don't really know what i want,or what to even expect.my mind is blank like a new sheet of paper.my heart's probably gonna fall out of my body.i can feel the butterflies doing a ballet in my tummy.and to calm my senses..i only have one bag of famous Amos cookies left plus an empty box of cigarettes.how wonderful! so while the boyfriend is sleeping for the past 9 hours i should say.here i am nervous wrecked.and to top it with icing.. i have to get myself to work by 11. no off. no half day. pretty much nothing at all. but either ways i feel that i tried better this year than the last.so I'mI'm gonna try find for a fag in his messy room. til then.
good morning folks. crossing my fingers and hoping for the best i guess.

happy Thursday -ING

lovelove

:*
i havent been able to get time on my hands to actually blog
or for many other things
but to make everything short and sweet.
i'm caught up with my job and its demands and realised that it isnt exactly the job for me.
i'm still pondering over writting in a resignation
but i should put that on hold first dont you think?
perhaps after this week or so when the bar cum restaurant gets busy,i'll take my leave almost quietly.
and stop devoting myself to the place.
til then
hope yawl are getting on with your resolutions.
cos im no where near mine yet.
at least i think.
anyways i need to get myself to work.
so ill fill you in soon.
good morning.
I heard about it happenin'
I never thought it could be
The way he looked into my eyes
What he doin' to me
He caught me by surprise
He opened up my life
He wasn't like them other dudes
I wanna be his wife
He said he got played
I told him don't be scared
My mission make you mine
Forget the rest
They ain't prepared
He said he liked my style
I said I liked his lips
He took my hand
And put them to my hips

You ever let a dude
You can't get out yo mind
You go to sleep
He in your dreams
He with you all the time
This was the way it was
I'M SORRY !!!

I STILL LOVE YOU THE SAME !

DO YOU STILL LOVE ME???


*nat
You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Noelle-age7

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age 4


i was reading an ariticle when these few lines appeared bold to me.
it didnt occur to me that kids were the ones who knew the real meaning of love.
i mean the smallest actions that you do wholeheartedly sometimes are actually the true meaning of love.
you dont need your husband / boyfren to buy you a big house or a 100 CARAT diamond ring or a hundred dollar dress from topshop or the nicest jimmy choo heels.
vice versa
you dont need your wife / girlfren to whip up a good meal for you or buy the fastest bike in the world or get you that hunky topman blazer you wanted.
TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH THEY LOVE YOU.
the simplest things can make them content.
okay i promised to update.
and i havent been blogging for the past few days cos i was super caught up with life.

either ways im not gonna say much cos im pretty lethargic,not in high spirits plus!
IM DOWN WITH A SPLITTING HEADACHE AND FLU

the only person that i can think of right now is my sweetheart.
and this is for him..


dear baby,

my every beat is after yours.
whatever that is important to you holds great importance to me too,
so please do not think that it does not matter much to me,cos it sure does.

if ever anything was the problem please remember that communication is the ultimate answer.
instead of bottling everything inside til one day that pretty little heart of yours aches so bad.cos the last thing that i wanna do is to hurt you or see you get hurt.

please remember that your every tear is accounted for and is IMPORTANT to me.
and there's completely no reason for you to paint your silence to me.
your every thought and decision IS important to me.

PS: your whole being is GREATLY IMPORTANT to me.

okay im gonna shower cos my baby and my sister is waiting for me.
im gonna be so screwed cos im gonna take long with the new bath product i bought
til then..


sayo Nara





as i wait like some damsel in distress while my MR HOT books out,i shall divert some energy into thinking about my new year resolutions and blogging.
firstly I'm really happy that i have him this new year,
its like I'm starting from scratch but i don't really mind the effort.
i don't mind the sacrifices and hurt and what not all over again.
in fact he helps keep me sane and happy and all.

this is for you sweetheart,

i may not be perfect or the way you wanted me to be
i may not understand you in the way you hope i would
i may not be the hottest girlfriend you ever had
i may commit a few mistakes
i may loose my cool
i may be off track at times
i may not know the right things to say or do sometimes
i may not make you happy or proud all the time
i may not try as hard other times
i may give up at some points
but deep down please know that i still love you and I'd never want you to go.
if i lose my cool please be patient with me.
cos all that i am and have is for you.

with much love,
your girlfriend.

i sit here with my fingers running across the keyboard with random thoughts in my mind,
all the what ifs.
promising myself to try forget the past regrets and failures and taking this new year to be another opportunity to grow and evolve.
the few significant things that i can think of for this moment- number one,to further my education. number two-appreciating myself more and putting myself before the rest (cos many people have told me that i do otherwise)
number three-to exercise more patience.number four-to be more understanding in this relationship.number five-to develop a closer relationship with my family.and be more understanding towards them.
that's all i can think about for now.
Viki is beeping me already
this one's gonna be long.
so till next time.
happy cruising through
2008

with much love.
the first of January ; start of a new year.

a day that i ought to be spending with my family and loved ones.

which i never got a chance to.

it was spent working my guts out,and eating cake and turkey with balls of seaweed.

and not forgetting that it is also my anniversary.

so i stood there helpless as to why i had to spend new years eve doing something so insignificant.

anyhow i ended up working till about quarter past three in the morning. so there was nothing much to look forward to-no countdowns,no partying,or spending time with much people-nothing at all.

on a happier note, i spent the first day of the year with my baby.
though we didn't do much because we were so lethargic after work and yadaa yadaa.
being with him lightened my load and the weight on my shoulders.


forward.


we went back over to his place.
had brunch over conversations and we dozed off till one in the afternoon that day.
being an anniversary and not wanting to do anything over the top,
we headed to swensens for lunch and ice cream.
but the part that i should emphasise the most is the fact that my baby got me a huge sunflower.

and i loved it sooo much that i hoped it'll never wilt away.
to some it may just be a flower.
but i beg to differ, i appreciate every single thing about it
especially the person who got it for me.
i love you sweetheart.
happy anniversary.